Confronting Fear of the Future - A Little Light No. 9
How have these past few weeks been for you?
Let's revisit the concept from the newsletter two weeks ago: "systems v.s. goals". In Rowena Tsai’s video, she describes a method of building better habits and creating systems instead of striving to achieve one goal. The first step is identifying your current state, then reflecting on your desired state, and developing the steps to reach that desire. For example, she wanted an organized apartment, but her current state included skincare products throughout her home. To accomplish an organized apartment, she needed to clear her table and counters each day, ensure everything had a place, and constantly remind herself to put each item back in their predetermined space.
The other week I identified my current state or the season I am in. A few bullets on my list were: busy, unorganized, and inconsistent. This past week I began to think about my “desired state”. I wrote the words: accomplished, relaxed, organized, along with a few others. Then, I outlined the systems I can implement by making time for things I want to do in the short term future. I can decide to give time to one activity instead of trying to everything every day.
A day later and unrelated to this activity, Isaiah asked, "What scares you away from thinking and planning for your long term future?"
My response was quite literally this: https://gph.is/g/4oNo9jK
Truthfully when I am asked about long-term plans, I usually deflect the conversation by focusing on what I enjoy about my current situation. I found comfort in saying, "I do not know and I will see what happens." This time I decided to engage, and my response to that difficult question was: I am afraid of commitment. I did not want to explore the possibilities because I figured opening that door would automatically make a decision on what I was going to do for the rest of my life. I ultimately know I do not need to determine every small detail. I do not need to know what my dream job is or the exact life I want to form. I convinced myself it would be easier to say I had my mind open but not mean it.
When I heard Isaiah's question, I remembered a conversation I had with a friend. She wanted advice on considering an opportunity much out of her comfort zone. I asked her a similar question: "What scares you about considering this opportunity?" Through a short conversation, we were able to determine it was easier to close a door and stay comfortable rather than doing the research to make an informed decision. My advice to her was simple, keep your options open and do your research. If you discover this isn't for you, that is perfectly fine. At least you gave it a fair chance. I realized I gave a great piece of advice but neglected to take it. I limited myself by quickly shutting down an idea and putting off any conversation about it.
In more detail, I know I want to go to graduate school. I've always kept in mind the degree I wanted to pursue, but multiple people urged me to think larger. Honestly, I was super comfortable with my small goal and anything larger seemed unachievable. I wanted to believe I am not capable, but that is a lie. So this week, I scheduled a few calls, did some research on classes, and reflected on my passion. I will continue to evaluate with an open mind, adding this to the system I want to create. I also want to make a habit of thinking outside the limits I placed on myself, dismantling the negative thoughts.
Take this with you:
Sometimes planning for the future feels like a daunting task. Especially now, in a time of such uncertainty, it might be hard to think farther than next week. What are your fears? Are there lies you tell yourself? Are there any practices holding yourself back? Are you going to create habits to change these practices? I encourage you to reflect, do your research, and fortify yourself with the truth.
My response was quite literally this: https://gph.is/g/4oNo9jK
Truthfully when I am asked about long-term plans, I usually deflect the conversation by focusing on what I enjoy about my current situation. I found comfort in saying, "I do not know and I will see what happens." This time I decided to engage, and my response to that difficult question was: I am afraid of commitment. I did not want to explore the possibilities because I figured opening that door would automatically make a decision on what I was going to do for the rest of my life. I ultimately know I do not need to determine every small detail. I do not need to know what my dream job is or the exact life I want to form. I convinced myself it would be easier to say I had my mind open but not mean it.
When I heard Isaiah's question, I remembered a conversation I had with a friend. She wanted advice on considering an opportunity much out of her comfort zone. I asked her a similar question: "What scares you about considering this opportunity?" Through a short conversation, we were able to determine it was easier to close a door and stay comfortable rather than doing the research to make an informed decision. My advice to her was simple, keep your options open and do your research. If you discover this isn't for you, that is perfectly fine. At least you gave it a fair chance. I realized I gave a great piece of advice but neglected to take it. I limited myself by quickly shutting down an idea and putting off any conversation about it.
In more detail, I know I want to go to graduate school. I've always kept in mind the degree I wanted to pursue, but multiple people urged me to think larger. Honestly, I was super comfortable with my small goal and anything larger seemed unachievable. I wanted to believe I am not capable, but that is a lie. So this week, I scheduled a few calls, did some research on classes, and reflected on my passion. I will continue to evaluate with an open mind, adding this to the system I want to create. I also want to make a habit of thinking outside the limits I placed on myself, dismantling the negative thoughts.
Take this with you:
Sometimes planning for the future feels like a daunting task. Especially now, in a time of such uncertainty, it might be hard to think farther than next week. What are your fears? Are there lies you tell yourself? Are there any practices holding yourself back? Are you going to create habits to change these practices? I encourage you to reflect, do your research, and fortify yourself with the truth.
Please comment below if you have any thoughts or any answers to the questions I've asked. If you aren’t already subscribed to receive this message in your email, you can do so using this link!