American Marriage
I started American Marriage by Tayari Jones almost immediately after finishing Black Boy. The first few chapters didn't interest me in the way I hoped, but it seemed I was looking for something similar to the book I just finished. After I got over the difference in writing styles, I began to truly enjoy the book.
American Marriage is a love story and the author says so herself. A black man gets thrown into prison for a crime he didn't commit. He was accused of rape, but his wife was with him by his side at the time and place of the alleged crime. He was innocent and his wife knew it, everyone who knew him knew he was innocent, but he was still sentenced to 10 or so years. Luckily, he served only half of the time. His wife, on the other hand, doesn't remain loyal to him during his time in prison. American Marriage is their story and one that reflects the complexity of relationships.
It's said often times we follow after our parents. We, women, date or even marry someone who resembles our father. Our environment shapes who we are and how we interact with others. Through the main character Roy and Celestial, Jones shows how one’s values can be reflective of the examples they are given in their household. Both characters come from a very loving home with parents who stayed with each other through each hardship, but there’s a difference in the communities they come from and how they were raised.
Roy's mother met his step-father when she was a young girl, already with child. Roy’s father loved his mother and him so much, he changes his name to a junior, taking him in as his very own. Their family was one that didn't have much, but would always make ends meet. Their love was pictured as being the type of love that people always aspire to have. They were soulmates destined to grow old together. Their love and marriage were written as unbreakable. Even when Roy's mother died, his father buried her himself not attending the reception after the ceremony as the last act of their love. He described it as a duty only he could fulfill.
Celestial hails from a family who had substantial wealth. They weren't always rich, but by the time she was a teenager her father was able to make her family millionaires. Her parents’ relationship started when her mother was in college. She fell in love with a married man (Celestial’s father), who eventually left his wife to be with her. They continued to love each other, rarely looking back on those days.
Celestial was taught to be independent, to never need a man. Roy was taught to live and die by his wife, to remain endlessly loyal. As newlyweds they were faced with a large obstacle and a difference in views that ultimately broke their relationship. They followed after their parents, Celestial left Roy for another man, while Roy relentlessly fought hard for their relationship.
The storyline kept the book compelling with the reader anxiously hoping for a happy ending. Though the plot its self is unforgettable, the part that I appreciated most was the note from the author at the end. This usually gets overlooked, but it gave great context for the subject of her book. She started focused on the injustice of the prison system and completed years worth of research about it. After finishing her research, she still didn't have a story until watching a short encounter between a couple in the mall. Something so small created an entire book for her.
This book forced me to think about my own relationship and how I potentially could be a reflection of my parents. My boyfriend and I are raised differently, coming from different means and very different examples of marriage. For him, he saw aspects of his parents’ relationship as an example of what not to do. Me, I cannot relate. The things we are exposed to, are engrained in our subconscious. Many times, we repeat our parents’ actions without even thinking about it. I found myself serving my boyfriend first, as my moms serve my dad first when we eat dinner. I found myself kissing my boyfriend before leaving as I saw my parents both do every day. I even saw my self closing off from emotion-filled conversations not even realizing my parents do the same. Like I’ve mentioned, it’s said we’re a product of our environment. It’s very easy to get caught up in the cycle of our parents’ bad behavior because it’s literally natural for us. It takes much effort and time to relearn and undo the bad behavior from our natural reaction. I’m trying to work on opening up, and expressing my emotions. It’s very hard for me and feels like work that shouold’t has to be done, but in reality, it does.